My Struggles of Motherhood.

We have neighbors/friends that are absolutely amazing! They have four children under age 5… can you imagine that? They have a set of triplets and a singleton and the best parents you can imagine, not to mention they are creative working parents. Did I mention they have four kids under five?


They tossed and turned for a few years about moving feeling their house was to small. Finally, they made their decision to stay and enrolled their trips to start Kindergarten here in the summer. For those of you who think I meant to say, “Fall”, this was not a mistake. You see we have year round school here, so the school year begins in July verses traditional school, which starts in the fall.

Jenna has a very good job, works for a major corporation, has fantastic benefits, pension makes good money and works out of her home. She actually get to have three meals a day with her children! Jen’s Husband’ Charlie is amazing too, totally hands on Dad, a great cook, intelligent, understanding and the love for his kids oozes from within. He recently started his own business, which also gives him flexibility to be with the kids. What more could you ask for…Right?

Recently, Jenna’s boss offered her a position with her same company but it involves a move to the East Coast. If she does not accept this offer, she thinks she will likely be out of a job with this company in two years. However, Charlie feels he can continue to grow his business from the east coast.

So why am I blogging about Jenna and Charlie?

Jenna is a “Serious Blogger” She has been blogging lately about the pros and cons of Moving, working, Motherhood. To move or not to move is the question.

Well, her recent blog brought up so many memories for me that I just wanted to share with my kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews and friends what my thoughts are and what I feel, what I felt and what I went thru as a young mother.

Below is my response to Jenna’s blog on Tuesday April 1, “Mental Chatter and Conflicts”:
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Ok...How close will you be to your family if you make this (silly) move? Remember, you'll be working full time in an office, commuting on those terrible highways, well depending on where you live and how far you have to travel, the hour, etc... Leaving you tired at the end of the day, needing to do homework with your kids, baths, and bedtime stories. Then MAYBE have a glass of wine with your Darling before passing out. Then guess what, you wake up the next morning and the rat race begins again.

Ok, so now you've made it thru a 5-day workweek. With four children, you'll be running in four different directions on the weekends. One will have a Birthday party to attend, (oh yeah, did you pick up that gift last week for the Birthday party, no... because between work and commuting you were spent) then the other one has baseball practice, one has dance and one has gymnastics. Oh and don't forget all that laundry that you couldn't get to during the week, the vacuuming and the deep cleaning that has to be done on weekends...got my point yet, when will you really have time to see your family? You can’t even find time to visit a neighbor with your flexible schedule now!

For the average working family, the reality of quality time with extended family is when you plan vacations to visit your family, making it even more special! Of course, if you plan to move into your family’s neighborhood where the kids can walk over to a cousin’s house, then that changes the dynamics a little. If one of your reasons/decision/concerns is for your kids have more (visual) communication with your extended family get SKYPE.

The following is a quote of yours: (referring to Jenna)

" I will NEVER get these years back again.

My company can replace me.

My children can't. "

I remember that struggle in life. Should I work, should I stay home? My heart told me I needed to be home with my babies, my mind said I needed a career. So, for years I vacillated between Motherhood and career. I first decided to be home with my kids, but after a year, I would find myself looking at the want ads and returning to work.

After six months back in the field I would feel so guilty that I would quit my job to be home with my kids, and then I'd feel like...Just a MOM and the desire to work would return. Those were probably the hardest years of my life and the loneliest years as well. No one really understood that internally struggle I was going thru. I loved my babies so much and if I had the chance to do it all again, I'd pick my kids and be “Just a Mom.” Being a Mom is one of life’s greatest honors. Nothing is worse or pulls at your heart when your little one needs you and you can’t be there for them. If you can, seize this moment in time with them.

Now, as far as college education for four, if you were stay here, when the time is right, get a job at a University for example; Point Loma Nazarene and your kids get their education free!

Lastly, if you do move renting can be a daunting experience unless you rent to the right people. As you know, we live in a nice part of town with a heavy military influence. You will never go wrong if you were to rent to someone in the military, (officer preferred.)

I know I already said lastly BUT… I think I will add this to my blog so my Children can read what a struggle I had when they were young.

The ramblings of a sleep deprived insomniac!

Debra
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Something I did not go into in my posting to Jenna is that you never really know what is going to happen tomorrow, that is why I said seize the moment! The years just fly by and before you know it, you become an empty nester with lots of time to reflect.

Well, after my struggles, frustration, and tears I no longer had the opportunity to choose between being home with my Children or working, I had to work! I became a single parent and the sole financial provider for my beautiful children. If had had known when they were babies that I would have to work later on and be their sole financial provider I would have spent every breath I had with my kids and not worked a day when they were babies.

I think we tend to believe that our kids need us so much when they are young, you know those formative years. Well guess what, those formative years never end… they have stages and it is so important to be there (if you can) for each stage in their life.

I also had to decide whether to move cross-country. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. It is very hard to move away from the only world you know, to leave behind my family and friends. I still cannot believe I did it, but I also know in my heart that this was the best decision for my family and me at the time. My children hated me for making this move but I had to, I needed to get out of dodge, my life depended on it (moving away.) So to this day, I am glad I made the move and hopefully one day my kids will really understand why.

I regret so many decisions I made or was forced to make due to my situation but I did the best I could with the knowledge I had during that season of my life.. If I could go back and live the primary years with my kids over, my God knows I would.

Unfortunately, today (and I cannot believe I am going to disclose this) I have a dysfunctional relationship with my grown kids. I love them and I know they love me but when I try to stand my ground on my beliefs and values, (which have not really changed over the years) it tends to cause distance between us. My heartbreaks and I just don’t know how to get threw to my kids without pushing them away. Is our dysfunctional relationship my entire fault? I think not. Did I make nothing but selfish decisions? I think not. Did I not teach them values and respect for others? I think not! Was I so wrong for working and not accepting public assistance? I think not! Did I love them with all I had? I think so, no, no, no… I know so! Everything I did, I did for them!